dream think feel fail

wisdom
Oh noooo! I have to have my wisdom teeth pulled out- Thursday. Fuck. Me.

I already am in so much pain- I have an infection in my right lower jaw as my tooth is trying to come in. I'm just going to get all 4 taken out at once. DAmn!

Other than that; diet's going well. I've added veggie burgers to my regiment. Coworkers will get McDonald's, Subway, etc and it smells SO damn good. That's the hardest; smelling french fries. I've resisted though! It's only day #2! I have a long way to go. Gosh. I feel so weak when it comes to food. I love love love eating good food; pasta/Italian is my favorite.
Even though my tooth/right side of face was aching, I mustered up the energy to go to the gym. I worked out for 30 minutes on the bike. I should go to today, but I just feel so crummy. I don't even know how I'll be able to last the rest of the work day. I'm in so much pain. =(

Let's hope I'm strong for the next few days.

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Low vs Diamond

It's been almost a year
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I last posted. So much has gone on.
#1. Moved back to San Antonio
#2. Got a job with a great company and have traveled to Ireland, Germany and Toronto.
#3. Had a cancer bout (i'm winning, so far).
I'm sure there are more but those are the most important things.

I'm 24 now, sedentary most of the day due to my job, and with my surgeries and travels haven't been able to eat right and work out, or be HEALTHY! Since college, I've put on about 22 lbs. That doesn't seem SO bad, but I'm a mere 5'2" and I'm over my normal BMI.
I started going to the gym last week, and starting today I am on the Fat Smash lifestyle change (I hate the word diet)! I'm going to use this as my blog/forum to help me stay on track. So there's your warning. If you don't want to read about this stuff, please skip my name.

Last night: Justin and I came back from Port A and cooked up some shrimp we bought and some rice and had my last "meal". After we cleaned up, I started cutting and dicing all my fruits and veggies for today. I felt ready.
This morning: I had organic oatmeal and 6 oz of yogurt for breakfast. The oatmeal was difficult to eat; it was instant and I didn't put enough water, making the consistency rubbery/thick. I managed to eat it all, however. Right now I'm having cup 1 of herbal tea for the day. Hot herbal tea and water is all I can have for the next 9 days (oh Iced tea how I'll miss you). I'm about to have a banana soon; drink more water (water is so boring!).

I plan on doing 35 minutes of cardio after work today. I think the hardest thing the next 9 days is no: alcohol (of any kind), bread, and meats.

Wish me luck.

Its been awhile
So, life is okay. Better than okay. It's pretty good. It hasn't been this way in awhile. And yes, I am single. I never thought I'd be okay being single. I don't feel that alone though.

I am getting off my meds. I was taking 60, last week I took 40, and yesterday I stepped down to 20. It's not so bad, I havent had any really horrible withdrawal symptoms. Man, I was on that shit for TWO years. It seemed like forever. And I do in fact feel more sane.

Work is going well. There is a little miff between m e and one of my seniors; we can't even work with each other. it's terrible. But, he's only one person, and I work for a big firm.

I am coming home Nov 17 for 9 days. I am so stoked. It will be nice to be home and have a nice little break. I just hope it is warm! It has gotten SO cold in SF.

I have been eating more healthy and working out every day. I have been out of town and whenever I'm on the road I eat really bad food and don't work out. it's no good.

I took my 2nd part of my CPA exam a few weeks ago. Studying consumed my life! It was horrible. Now I spend my nights relaxing, reading for PLEASURE! I am finally reading the Da Vinci Code, halway done. Someone recommended Angels and Demons. I also read The Nanny Diaries; that was okay at best.

I have been going to a few shows; recent ones include Saves the Day, The shins, and Jimmy eat World. Of course the best was JEW. I'm going to see Ted Leo in a few weeks. Queens of the stone age are coming too, might go see them. Concerts are just so f-ing expensive, ugh. I need a sugar daddy. Haha.

Mel, I miss you. I got your message. I left my phone at my apt, I was at the gym. You can call me in the day this week. I am in the office with literally nothing to do. Love you.

um
It's been awhile. A lot has happened.

No more Andy (sad and heart wrenching).
New job (better and cooler).
Parents came to visit (that was fun).
Met some cute boys lately (seriously, hotties).
Getting closer to having real friends (goodie).
Still feel so so so alone...

What the hell is wrong with me

as of late
Sitting in a bed. Not my bed. In Andy's bed. Andy=current boyfriend who is heartofgoldwonderfulwhotreatsmelikeaprincess. Also from Texas; we share lots of things like that. He lets me pull the gray hairs out of his head. I love doing that.

Work- eh. I think I've finally come to a point where I hate my job. It sucks. I want to get certified and just teach. I dont know. I dont know how much longer I can hold out doing this bullshit.

I was in Texas- it was nice. I didn't do much- just rested, overall. Daddy looks like a skeleton. They told him they arent going to put him on the kidney transplant list. We don't really know what is going to happen; but at least he is eating now.

I've gotten some fresh ink lately. Really cool pieces. An anatomical heart, and an artsy looking skull.

Overall, life is okay. Could be better, but I guess it always can.

Mel, chin up. Slumps can't last forever.

PS- July 15- Ive got smashing pumpkins tickets at the classic FILLMORE (which only has a capacity of around 400 people). SO EXCITED!!!!

Current Music: basic cable tv

daddy
What should you do about someone who wants to give up on life completely?

I wish I could help him, I'm just so far away.

I've lost all hope. He has, too.

I've already imagine giving the eulogy at his funeral. And we'd play Jimi Hendrix, just the way he'd like it.

Current Mood: sad

fun
My birthday was fun; didn't get too crazy crazy or anything. It was pretty low-key. Matt came into town for the weekend- he didn't like it here because "there are too many white people." Well, duh, if you knew anything youd know that all the black/mexican people live in Oakland. Which makes some parts of the city not very diverse, but it doesn't bother me much.

Work has been slow- my next client is not for another month. So basically, I spend my days finding an excuse to write random emails to friends, and do the Seattle times crossword puzzles and sudoku. I should be studying for my CPA exam; but who ever does what they "should" be doing?

I've joined a gym. I've been taking the classes theyve been offering. This morning I took Hatha Yoga. I thought I would totally suck my first day, but it wasn't too bad. I struggled a little, and could only not do one or two of the moves. But yeah, I think my dancing history helped me in this class.

A lot of concerts are coming up; I'm so stoked! In order: Paolo Nutini, Mew, Ted Leo, Saves the Day, Hot Rod Circuit, Placebo, Junior Boys. And all except one are in April.

I'm going to LA in a few weeks- to see Mew, and Matt. I'm trying to convince him to take me to the "happiest place on earth"-- Disneyland! I sooooo want to go. It's just so damn expensive.

My dad is sick; I spend most of my time trying to concentrate on other things besides being sad and worrying about him.

xo

For Mel
1. You always seem to have a reason why you don't like San Francisco, give me a couple of reasons why you do. Explain as if you were convincing me to live there.
Well, the views are amazing; I've never lived in/been to a cleaner city. There's a little bit for everyone to do. It's very diverse. I can see the GG bridge and Alcatraz from my rooftop deck. Never ever gets hot; humidity isn't all that terrible.

2. If you change professions, what other jobs would be on your shortlist?
Well, I'd like to give painting a try. I'd also want to work with kids, maybe teach (math or art). Staying in my field, I also wouldn't mind doing investigative work/forensic accounting for fraudulent activities made by large corporations.

3. Do people ever come up to you thinking you can speak spanish and strike up a conversation in Spanish?
ALL THE TIME! It's annoying. I mean, I didn't think I looked really all that hispanic, but I guess "they" can tell. I was in Napa auditing a wine barrel company of all places, and the workers started talking in Spanish. I was like "whoa slow down there buddy..." I really should know Spanish though.

4. If I gave you $20 right now, what would you spend it on?
A pedicure/manicure. To get both it costs about $15, but I usually tip the lady $5. And it's not just a regular ol' pedi/mani, they massage your arms, hands and legs for like 10 minutes. It's the ultimate stress reliever!

5. Who do you worry about most, your mom or your dad? No explanation necessary.
My dad.

Well, I'm in the desert. I haven't lost my mind.... yet.

I had the flu from Wed night until yesterday. It was purely awful. I truly felt like I was going to die.

The scenery is nice; mountains capped with snow all around. I don't know how anyone could actually live here.

I found the only bar in the town- that's for the weekends. I know this will make me appreciate city life more than I already do (what I take for granted).

I haven't gotten carded lately- woo hoo for that. 3 out of the past 3 times, I have been served booze with no questions asked. Maybe I don't look like I'm 12 anymore.
Uh, my birthday is coming up. Matt's coming up- that should be a good time.

I miss my car.

I miss texas. Boo.

Work is work- mindnumbing.

I venture to death valley this weekend- I reserved my hotel room for 26 nights! Holy shit. Either this is going to be good for me, or make me really really miserable.
I'm stocking up on crossword puzzle/sudoku books to kill the boredom. Any novel recommendations anyone?

I'm thinking of switching careers. Something that doesn't make you work 12 hours a day and deals with children. But not a teacher. Hmmm.

I got my W-2 in the mail. Death and taxes, shit....

I miss people.

Texas, looks like I won't be seeing you for a little while...I'm missing so much. Oh well.

Love ya'll

-
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WHen things get tough, just have a dance party

Current Music: Junior Boys

Busy season is officially killing me-

and its ONLY day 3.

Uggghhhhhh 12 hour dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssss.....

suck!

Current Mood: drained

die in the desert
Well, I'll be in a tiny little town in Death Valley for 4 weeks. Anyone wanna crash at my apt for the month, let me know...
Crystal Geyser (the bottled water company) is one of our clients, and I volunteered to be on the audit. Why? Well, because it's 200 miles closer to LA. And on weekends I'll be able to see the boy.

I'm not that scared about busy season. I definitely have to prove myself, though.

I'm looking forward to DV. I mean; I'll be in the middle of nowhere, yes, but I heard it's pretty. I figure if Matt comes up we can go for a hike or something. The Sierra range is also nearby. But it's awfully cooold! There will be no internet at the client; don't even know if there'll be access at the hotel. It will be good to clear my head.

I want to go back to NOLA. I don't even know when the next time will be until I go back home to TX.

I'm going to sit for a part of the CPA (BEC- Business Environment Concepts) in April. Wahhhh!

Anyway; I love you all.

Hit me up

Current Music: Badly Drawn Boy- "Magic in the Air"

In LA; celebrating my boy's bday. And tomorrow, New Years Eve Party! I'm so excited! Today we went to the Grove and walked around, shopped some. I had to get some of those pasty boob things cause I have to wear a psuedo bra under my dress for tomorrow.

I had to count PVC pipe for my inventory observation. The worst part- walking around in a 20 acre lot finding the pipe I selected from the inventory sheet. And it was outside; at 37 degree weather (at 7 am- ugh).

My brother is 20 today- I wish he'd get his shit together.
Oh well, he'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully.

Mel, sad I missed you over Xmas. I really didnt do anything though. I only went out one night. To see the girls from HS.

Im going to try to come back after busy season; another baby is being born, and my cousin is getting out of the while colar prison in early March. May though- Vegas. Excite.

This is long overdue. I'm not looking forward to the next

I think I'm in love.

Haha

I'm going to LA this weekend. Texas the next. Then LA again, for a kickin' new years eve party (it better be kickin' I paid an assload for my ticket to the party at Club LAX)...

Busy season is coming-- BLAH!

I love you all.

Mel- give me your address, I'm sending cards.

Work is hectic, but it keeps my mind occupied. I sleep usually from 10:30-7 am. A lot huh? It's because I'm braindead at the end of every day.

I'm coming home for Thanksgiving. I can't take being away for so long. I used to be able to drive home whenever; not anymore. I need to see people that know me and care about me.

I've giving up boys and booze.

I love you all.

Ok ok so I've been in SF for nearly a week. I just BARELY got internet and cable. I about almost died!!!

The fam left today. Good or bad??? I guess we'll see.

Update later.

Muah!

I just got back from San Francisco; I acquired an apartment in the Marina. 2 blocks off yacht harbor... it's pretty damn nice.

I had fun this past week; met an awesome guy. Wont say too much, dont wanna jinx it. But, he is definitely a good one. Havent had that in awhile.

2 more weeks in SA and Im out. So, get your Melissa loving now, before she's gone forever!!! Just joking... but seriously. Let's hang out. And party.

I love you all.

I'm alive.
I'm back home in San Antonio.
Taking French class with my brother, seeing friends, and drinking a lot of beer.

I love you all.

Proud
Well, I just picked up my cap and gown. I also got honor chords because I am graduation cum laude. It all seems very surreal to me. I mean, anyone will agree with me in asking the question "where the hell did the last 4 years go?"
Everyone arrives tomorrow. I need it. I'm sure this weekend will be nothing short of a great time.
All we have to worry about now is the weather in hoping it doesnt rain (my ceremony is outside).

Everyone is asking "arent you so glad to be done?"
How can I be glad? I'm leaving my friends; the school I've come to love. I'm proud. That's the word. And sad. You know, everyone says they'll see each other another day, but I truly think it takes a special kind of person to live up to that promise. Melanie; I know I'll see you again. But I don't know about the rest. And that saddens me.

After dealing with heartbreak and drama I realize that I shouldn't have to deal with shit. Life is much more important. I shouldn't be down and out because of a guy, because of anyone. It seems as though my whole life has been enraptured with boy/friend/anything else drama. It needs to stop. I don't know, I guess I'm finally growing up. I deserve better.

I can't wait to move to San Francisco. I'll have to mourn my losses, but the future will be better.

I love you all.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Recover - "Push, Push"

I graduate in 12 days; weird.

We had an easter bbq yesterday. That was fun. I drank too much beer.

Josh and Adam came over and basically took over the cooking; I think it's their male instinct, or something.

Used or be used, thats the question...

I cant wait for New York; Meggie called me and said that there is a concert of The Roots w/Erykah Badu at Radio City Music Hall and asked if I wanted to go. Hell yes.

Today is going to suck. I have an auditing test I havent even studied for and a presentation that I'm not even prepared for. And I'm wearing my suit and it's pretty damn uncomfortable. Yeah.

Time to cram.

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